Bittersweet
by Oliviet
Summary: She feels like an idiot. And Temperance Brennan does not just go around feeling like an idiot because she knows that she's a genius. But still she feels like an idiot. She had to have known that it would come down to this. In fact she did know which is why she told him no that night, as she fought the surge of desire to simply agree to just be with him. Post season 8 finale.
1. Breathe Me

_Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

* * *

She feels like an idiot. And Temperance Brennan does not just go around feeling like an idiot because she _knows_ that she's a genius. But still she feels like an idiot. She had to have known that it would come down to this. In fact she did know which is why she told him no that night, as she fought the surge of desire to simply agree to just be with him. Because she knew herself. She knew that what relationships meant to him would be something that they would never mean for her. She knew love was merely a chemical reaction in the brain; a meaningless word couples and families exchanged. She should have realized that if anyone could give that word a meaning it would be him. But at what cost? Her theory about her hurting him in the end must have come true. Why else would he not want to marry her?

Brennan almost had to laugh at herself. For how long had she been saying that marriage was an archaic institution and that she didn't need a piece of paper to tell her how she felt? So why was it suddenly so important to her that there was a ring on her left hand and that she checked the 'Mrs.' box when filling out forms? She was an independent woman; had been that way since she was 15. Long ago she had come to accept the fact that she didn't need anyone. She was fine alone. But then Booth had basically forced his way into her life and taught her how to love and had given her this little bundle of joy that years ago she wouldn't have wanted.

He'd _changed _her. Taken away her steely exterior and her hardness. She was softer now and some days she almost hated herself, hated _him_, for it. She hated that she lost her ability not to identify with the victims; that she actually got emotional over cases. This used to be just a job. Something to do when she couldn't be overseas discovering new links in the Evolution chain. When she had accepted this job all of those years ago, she never imagined that it would turn into this.

She takes a deep breath, trying to control her crying, and hoping that Booth hasn't heard her mental breakdown on the other side of the wall. Brennan heads up the stairs like she had intended to all along. Something had happened to her when she'd turned the corner away from him. She snapped. The tears came before she could even make it to the solace of their bedroom and she let them come. Because she had changed for him, given a part of herself to him, thought that Booth was different and that he was hers, but he didn't want to marry her.

She reaches the top landing of the stairs and realizes that she has done nothing wrong. She wasn't the one to hurt him; he was the one to hurt her. And then she feels like even more of an idiot for allowing her to blame herself for this. Just because she's always been bad at relationships doesn't mean that she's in the wrong here. She chastises herself as she enters their bedroom telling herself that she has to stop doing that.

Brennan pauses in front of their master bathroom thinking a warm bubble bath may do her some good right now. She turns on the water and adds the soap, watching it fill the tub, as she strips out of the day's clothes. She grabs a clip from the medicine cabinet and knots her hair into a bun on the top of her head to keep it from getting wet. As she stares at her reflection in the mirror, her mind wanders back to what she could have possibly done to change his answer from 'yes, of course' to 'I don't think we should do this.' So maybe she hasn't hurt him, but she must be flawed enough for him not to want her.

She traces her hand over the bruise his teeth had left above her right breast two nights ago. She wishes she could just go back to that night and stay there. Wishes that she hadn't been stupid enough to throw away all of her previous beliefs because she had so much faith in this man. She wishes she could take back her proposal because things would be just fine and normal right now if only she hadn't asked.

Brennan bites back on a second wave of tears as she turns off the water and lowers herself into the tub. Booth had asked her if they were fine and she'd told him yes because what exactly do you say in this sort of situation? Of course they weren't fine. He'd been teasing her about that damn bouquet for weeks and she'd finally given in to what she looked at now as his begging. Only for him to turn around and say just kidding? So maybe she wasn't marriage material. Then who was?

_Hannah_. The name echoes in her mind and it almost makes her want to throw up. He'd proposed to her. And if she had actually wanted to get married and said yes there would be no Christine right now. He would have married her too, Brennan was sure of it, unless she'd done something to try and stop it. But then again, judging by that horrid conversation they'd had in his car on that rainy night, maybe her opinion didn't matter. _She's not a consolation prize. _But she was. A rebound from her turning him down outside of Sweet's office. _Can I call anyone for you_? Jackass.

The resentment and bitterness from that year comes flooding back to her and she realizes they've never talked about it. They've been acting like it never happened. Like he hadn't ignored her and treated her like crap for a year without even noticing because he was so wrapped in a blonde reporter who stole her sunglasses. And he was willing to marry her and not the mother of his only daughter? Hell, he'd asked Rebecca to marry him when she was pregnant with Parker. Was the idea of being married to her really that awful?

Maybe he just thought that she hadn't really changed her view on marriage and that she was just doing this to make him happy. But he was just trying to make _her_ happy. He knew this suburban mom and wife lifestyle had never been something that she wanted and so he wasn't going to try and force it on her. But she was already a mom, and now she really, truly wanted to be a wife, _his _wife. So either she hadn't been convincing enough in trying to get her point across or he really, truly, did not want to be her husband.

Brennan sinks lower in the tub, letting the water hit her chin. She shouldn't care this much. He still loves her. He still wants to be with her and live with her. The only thing he doesn't want is marriage. She should be happy because this was originally exactly what she had wanted. But now she can't get Hannah out of her head. She can't stop thinking that maybe she was just his second choice. Second to the woman who made her feel like this awkward girl in high school again and she hated that. Sure, maybe Booth had wanted her before he met Hannah, but this was after. And she wasn't the one he was pulling out diamond rings for.

She heard him walking up the stairs about a minute ago and now she can hear him breathing outside of the bathroom. She figures he's debating if he can just walk in or if he should ask first. If he knows what's good for him, he'll ask. Another minute passes before he finally knocks on the door.

"Bones, I uh…I want to brush my teeth."

She hums not answering him right away. She's debating getting out before he she lets him in, as though he hasn't seen her naked plenty of times before.

"Fine," comes her reply. The water isn't cold enough for her to want to get out yet.

Booth tentatively steps in the room and avoids making eye contact with her as he steps to the sink.

"It's supposed to rain tomorrow," he says flatly, rummaging around in the drawer.

"Okay." She doesn't know what she's supposed to say to that. Tomorrow's weather forecast has no effect on her plans to go into work.

"It'll be good. We could use the rain. It's been pretty dry around here lately."

He's resorting to talking about the weather. Small talk. That's how not okay things are right now. The water seems to be rapidly cooling now and she wants to get out but at the same time feels the need to be covered in his presence.

"I thought you said you were going to read?" he asks, squirting toothpaste onto his toothbrush.

"I changed my mind," she shrugs. She almost adds the quip about him being able to change his mind about marriage so she should be able to change her mind about what she wants to do with her evening, but decides against it. Let him think things are okay tonight. She'll start the inevitable fight tomorrow.

Booth spins around with his toothbrush still in hand. Brennan looks up at him briefly before returning her attention to the depleting bubbles around her.

"I didn't think you liked baths," he says.

"I never said that I didn't."

"But I don't think I've ever seen you take one…"

"That doesn't mean that I don't like them."

She's really irritated with him. She came up here to get away from him, to be alone. She wants him to brush his teeth and get out, so she can get out. She's being childish about this and she knows it. But she also thinks she's earned the right to be childish about this situation. Booth turns back to the sink and finally does what he came in here to do. When he finishes rinsing, he turns back to her.

"We're not really okay, are we?"

"Far from it."

* * *

She didn't actually kick him to the couch. He offered and she didn't object. He had really hoped that she wouldn't take it this badly. He'd hoped that she was only asking him because she knew that he wanted to be married to her. He'd hoped that maybe she didn't really want this and she'd be relieved. But somewhere along the way, somehow, he'd convinced her that marriage to him was a good idea and now she actually wanted it.

He was going to kill Pelant. Take his revenge for the dead who couldn't take it themselves. Take his revenge for the months he took Brennan and his daughter away from him, for framing her for murder. Take his revenge for the pain he was forcing him to cause her now.

He finds himself wishing that he was a selfish person. He just wants to tell Brennan that he didn't mean it. That he does want to marry her. That marrying her is something that he's wanted for a while now. That he could do that, and not care what random person Pelant chose to kill because of it. But he does care. Because as Brennan has told him time and time again, 'You're a good man, Booth." So maybe she'll understand once all of this is over? But what can he do to erase her pain until then?

She'd seemed pissed earlier. That sort of silent pissed that he'd only seen her get very few times. She'll freeze him out for a while until she decides that something needs to be said and then she'll blow up. And this time he realizes there are a lot of things, a lot of issues, which have never been addressed between them. They're all going to come out. He's going to fight right back. Things aren't going to end well.

Booth groans, rolling over onto his back. He pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to soothe his headache. He wants to go back. Back to, when was it, two nights ago? Christine had gone down earlier than usual after being outside all day. And Brennan had curled up against him nursing a beer for a change instead of her usual wine. He'd commented on it, saying that he sort of missed the days where she'd choose beer as her drink of choice. He'd always found it hot. She'd grinned at him, taking another swig from the bottle, before running her hand up and down his inner thigh.

"You find a lot of things to be hot," she'd smirked.

"Only when it comes to you."

And then he'd taken her right there on the couch, a tangle of limbs and tongues and the lingering taste of her beer. And then around three am, he was woken up from his sleep by the feel of her lips against his neck.

"What's gotten into you?" he smiled, tangling his hands in her hair.

"You."

And that was all she said before sliding her hand down his boxers and straddling him. Booth had expected tonight to be like that. After catching Pelant's apprentice and saving Sweets and their newly engaged status, he'd been ready to wrap himself up in her again. To make her scream his name as he took her, his fiancé, over the edge. But instead he was here alone on the couch, without the presence of her warm body or her soft snoring which she always denied. And if he hadn't realized it before, he realized it then: he never wanted to spend another night without Temperance Brennan next to him. He wanted to marry her.

He had to kill Pelant.

* * *

AN: There are probably hundreds of post finale fics up by now, but I had to put in my two cents. This fic is dedicated to my twinsie, Veronica (coffeeforyoursmile on tumblr), as a super late birthday present. In case you've forgotten, I will check my e-mail every five minutes after I post this because reviews feed my soul. Happy Sunday!


	2. Belong

_The moon is the only friend I have outside  
One more drink and I'll be healed  
I told you the words and then knew it was a lie  
I wish I could offer an appeal  
You're wrong  
I don't belong to you_

* * *

By the time Brennan makes it downstairs to feed Christine her breakfast, she notices that Booth has already left for work.

"Coward," she mutters under breath, placing her daughter in her high chair.

When she moves to get the cereal box from the cupboard, she notices the Post-It stuck to the counter. _Couldn't sleep. Went to the office. I know we need to talk. I'm not avoiding you. _She crumples the note in her hand and lets out a sigh of frustration.

"Momma Cheerios," Christine says, seeing the box in Brennan's hand.

"Sure sweetie," Brennan smiles, trying to put on a happy face for her daughter as she pours some cereal onto the high chair tray.

Christine begins munching on her Cheerios as Brennan moves to go pour milk into her sippy cup. She hands this to her daughter before starting the process of making coffee. As the pot warms up, she grips the edges of the sink so hard her knuckles turn white. She had hoped that a good night's sleep would calm her down, but it had only taken her from upset to angry. And the longer he avoids her, the more time she has to let her anger stir.

She looks over at Christine so blissfully unaware of all the problems her parents are having. Life is so simple for her. Brennan wishes that she could keep it that way forever for her. She never wants her to endure the kind of pain she has experienced in her own life. And while she knows that she can't shelter her from all of it, she can sure as hell try for as long as possible.

* * *

"Brennan, I found the perfect dress for your wedding!" Angela says excitedly, walking into her office. "And before you start, no, it's not white."

"Forget about it, Ange," Brennan tells her without looking up from her paperwork.

"No, see as your maid of honor, which I'm totally assuming by the way, it's my job to help you with these things."

"You can forget about it because there's not going to be a wedding."

"Why, are you guys going to elope?"

Brennan stares at her for a moment, wishing that things were that simple. "No, we're…we're not getting married."

She hates that everyone knew and that now she has to tell them all it's not happening.

"What are you talking about?"

"Just like it sounds. The wedding is off. We're not engaged. We're still living together."

Angela moves to sit in the chair in front of Brennan's desk.

"Sweetie, what happened?"

Brennan puts down her pen and scrubs her hands over her face. She doesn't want to talk about it. Thinking about it is only going to upset her further. She also knows that Angela won't leave until she gets an explanation.

"He changed his mind," Brennan tells her at last. "Said that he saw things from my perspective and it really was just a piece of paper and that the only reason I asked was because of the Pelant tension."

"Is that the only reason you asked?"

"No."

"Did you tell him that?"

"Thought I did."

"So is your relationship okay?"

"No," she sighs, shaking her head and wishing that Angela would just stop with the twenty questions already. "He's avoiding me because he knows that I want to yell at him. I tried to pretend that things were still fine last night but he saw right through my lies."

"Do you want to end things with him?"

"We still love each other. But what is that they say about love not always being enough?"

"Brennan –"

"He was willing to marry Hannah. But he's not willing to marry me. Something about that just tells me that maybe he and I don't work after all."

"That's not true and you know it. You two are perfect for each other."

Brennan just shakes her head in response. She wants to believe it, she does. But she can't. Not when the one person who promised to never hurt her, hurt her.

"Look, I need to finish this paperwork. Can we just talk about this later?"

Angela sits there for a minute just staring at her. Brennan can feel her eyes on her as she picks her pen back up and starts writing again. Finally, Angela stands and moves towards the door.

"Okay fine, but we're not done talking about this," she calls over her shoulder as she leaves.

Brennan waves her hand in acknowledgement. She wants to be done talking about this. She wants this to never have happened.

* * *

He's falling asleep at his desk. He's been here since 5:30 AM researching Pelant and the lack of sleep is finally getting to him. Just as he gives in to resting his head on his arms, he hears a sharp knock on his door.

Booth looks up to find Cam glaring at him. "What did you do, you idiot?"

He shakes his head to clear the grogginess. It doesn't work.

"What did I do with what?"

"You broke off your engagement."

"Oh. That."

He didn't realize that he'd have to explain himself to more than just Brennan. Of course this had him looking like a total douche bag to all their friends. Excellent.

"Oh that? Seeley, what did I tell you after you woke up from your coma and you wanted to tell Dr. Brennan that you were in love with her?"

He groans, not wanting the lecture he's about to get. He fully understands what he's done. That doesn't make him like it any more. "To be sure about my feelings because if I change my mind, she'll die of loneliness before she'll ever trust anyone again?"

"Exactly. So knowing this, like it appears that you do, what the hell, Seeley?"

"She's not going to die of loneliness. We're still together, just not getting married."

"You actually think she's still going to trust you after all of this?"

"Camille, I know her better than you do. Okay? Yes, she's mad right now, and she'll probably stay pissed at me for a couple weeks. But she'll get over it. She used to never want to get married anyway."

"I sure hope you know what you're doing," she says, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Why? Is this negatively impacting her performance at your precious lab?"

"She's my friend and I care about her. I care about both of you."

He shakes his head again at a lost for how to respond to her. Pelant said he couldn't tell Brennan, but did he say anything about telling their friends?

"Look, I'm just trying to protect her."

That much was true.

"Protect her from what?" Cam asks.

Pelant.

"You were surprised when she told you we were getting married weren't you?"

Cam nods.

"She thinks she wants this right now because all of this Pelant stuff has her really on edge. You know how she gets. After we sent Taffet to jail she ran off to Maluku. After Broadsky killed Vincent…Christine was conceived. This serial killer stuff, it gets in her head, freaks her out. She thinks she wants to marry me because she's afraid of losing me. So we'd plan this whole thing, get to the day of the wedding, and she'd freak out and pull a Julia Roberts in _Runaway Bride_. She doesn't want this."

"When she was talking to Angela and me about it, she seemed to want it."

"I know that people change, that she's changed, but do you really think she's changed that much?"

Cam shrugs. "You're the one who knows her best."

"Exactly. I've got this. Just let her cool off."

Cam continues to stand just inside his doorway.

"What else do I need to say to convince you?" he sighs.

"Nothing. I just hope you're making the right decision."

Define 'right.' Right as in not allowing innocent people to die or right as in saving Brennan from something she didn't want? Here's a hint: she wanted it.

"I am. Trust me."

* * *

She gets home before he does. He must really be avoiding her seeing as how they're currently case-less. At least she could assist Clark with the older remains during down time like this, but what does he have to do for this long at work without a case?

Brennan places Christine in the living room with some of her toys and moves to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. She pauses momentarily recalling the beer from three nights ago. Her eyes slip closed as she remembers the feel of his mouth on her skin and the feel of him moving against her. She starts to think that maybe this fighting isn't worth it; he's still hers whole-heartedly. But the whole situation still nags at her, keeping the fire of her anger alive.

Just as she settles down onto the couch with her wine to watch Christine build towers out of blocks, the front door opens. Booth walks in and she notices how his face softens when he spots her sitting there on the couch. Wordlessly, he walks into the kitchen and tosses his keys on the counter before pouring himself his own glass of wine. He sits across from her like he did last night and together they watch their daughter play in silence.

Christine accidentally bumps her tower and giggles as she watches it tumble down.

"Most kids would cry if that happened," Booth chuckles.

"Christine isn't most kids," Brennan replies, almost defensively.

They fall into silence again as Christine remakes her block tower. Brennan stares at her wine glass, swirling the red liquid around aimlessly. She can feel Booth's eyes on her, watching her, so she looks up to meet his gaze. His eyes are heavy with sadness and sleep deprivation. She realizes that he's waiting for her to talk; that she's the one with things that need to be said.

"What's wrong with me?" she asks in a voice that to her doesn't even sound like herself.

"What do you mean?" Booth asks, leaning forward and setting his wine glass on the table.

"What's so wrong with me that you don't want to marry me?"

He moves to the couch with her and takes her wine glass from her hands so he can lace his fingers between hers. "Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. You're perfect, Bones."

She closes her eyes and shakes her head. He's lying. He has to be.

"I'm not perfect, okay? Clearly I'm not."

"You're perfect to me –"

"Then why won't you marry me?" She yells at him. Her voice startles Christine and she begins to cry. Brennan goes to her, scoops her up in her arms, and cradles her to her chest. She strokes her daughter's thin hair, bouncing her gently to calm her down.

"I explained to you last night –"

"You half-assed it."

"Bones!" He gestures to Christine.

"Oh relax, Booth. She won't repeat it."

Christine stops crying and seems to be getting sleepy in her mother's arms.

"I'm going to go put her to bed," she says softly.

"Did she eat something other than Cheerios tonight?"

"I don't know. Angela picked her up from daycare tonight and fed her. I was working late."

"Doing what? We're between cases."

"I could ask you the same thing."

Booth scrubs a hand over his face. "And you didn't think to ask Angela what she fed her?"

"No, Booth. I trust her to be capable of feeding our child. She has one of her own you know?"

"But she hasn't been eating –"

"I know! It's a phase; she'll grow out of it."

Booth leans back against the couch and crosses his arms over his chest. "Fine."

"Don't be like that."

"You know what, fine. Go put her to bed. I'll be here waiting for you to come yell at me again."

Brennan's hands clench into fists at her daughter's back. "Fine."

She spins on her heel with a huff and takes Christine upstairs. It takes her everything she has not to cry in front of her daughter. Her family is falling apart right in front of her just like it always does. She doesn't know why she thought this time would be any different. It never is. She at least thought by now she'd be numb to the pain. She pinches the bridge of her nose with her fingers to stop the tears from coming again. She was wrong.


	3. Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

_There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave  
You were what I wanted  
I gave what I gave  
I'm not sorry I met you  
I'm not sorry it's over  
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save_

* * *

Brennan wanders back into the living room to find Booth finishing off his glass of wine. She leans against the wall across from the couch, trying to distance herself from him.

"I'm going to ask you again," she starts, "and this time I want a real answer. Why don't you want to marry me?"

He sighs, placing his empty wine glass on the table. He starts to speak several times before the words he's looking for come to him. "What we have has been working for us. Why complicate things?"

She lowers her head and takes a deep breath, preparing herself for the question she almost doesn't want to hear the answer to.

"You wanted to marry Hannah."

She watches as his face grows ashen and he stands bolt upright. "Bones –"

She keeps going. "But you don't want to marry me. Tell me, Booth, what was it about her that you loved so much? You know I've noticed, aside from me and Cam you seem to have a thing for blondes, is that it?"

"Bones," he tries again. But she won't let him. Not yet.

"Or perhaps you're simply intimidated by my brilliance? That's what my father told me when I was 13 and no one asked me to the school dance."

"I love your intelligence –" he tries, stepping closer to her.

"Did you get her pregnant too? Three kids, three different mothers. I do believe that makes you, oh what do they call it…a manwhore."

He's standing right in front of her now and grips her shoulders. She grits her teeth waiting for him to say something.

"First of all, I didn't propose to her because she was pregnant. She was not pregnant. And secondly, I wouldn't go around calling people names when you're the one known to date two different people at once."

"Seriously, you want to bring that up right now? That has absolutely nothing to do with what we're talking about."

He ignores her comment. "And third, I proposed to her because I was settling because I didn't think that I could have you."

She squirms in his grip. "Bullshit! I told you that I wanted you that night in your car and you turned me down. And if I'm what you've really wanted all along, I would be wearing an engagement ring right now."

He lets go and steps away from her shaking his head. "Why is this suddenly so important to you? You don't believe in marriage, Bones. You never have!"

"People change."

"You're a scientist. You don't know how."

He quotes her own words back at her and it stings. Two can play this game.

"Whatever happened to that dream of yours where I was your wife? You thought it was real, wanted it so badly, that when you woke up, you weren't even sure who I was."

"The key word there being _dream_."

"Yes, but what does that song on that child's CD say? A dream is wish your heart makes?"

"You quoting Disney. Now I've seen everything."

"Or what about two people meeting and there being this spark? Did Hannah give you a brighter spark than I can?"

He softens at the mention of her name again. Maybe he does realize how much he hurt her that year and that's why he's never brought it up, not even to apologize. Booth steps towards her again, but this time he rests his forehead against hers in an intimate gesture. She wants to push him away, but his arms are encircling her waist and his familiar scent is overwhelming her. She sinks into him and hates herself for doing it.

"I want to be clear about one thing here," he starts, softly. "That woman has never, and will never, mean to me as much as you do. You're all that I want, all that I need, and I love you. You, not her."

She tightens her arms around his torso. "I still don't understand, Booth. I just…I want to understand. Please. Help me to understand."

* * *

This is killing him. She's killing him. She's breaking in his arms and it's breaking him. He doesn't know what to do, what to tell her, that will make everything okay. If he whispers it in her ear, will Pelant hear it? If he writes it down, sends her a text, will he know? If he drags her off to somewhere like Bora Bora and tells her there will they be out of Pelant's range? What about Africa? Technology is pretty lacking there, isn't it?

He _hates_ that he's doing this to her. Making her question everything and doubt herself, doubt _him._ He just wants to wrap her up and make her feel wanted. He wants to see her smile and laugh and be happy again. He wants his fiancé back.

Brennan slips out of his embrace and wanders back over to the couch. She hangs her head and wipes at her eyes.

"Bones –"

"Don't."

"But I –"

"Just stop talking. Please."

He shuts up, waits for her to say more. He prays that she won't yell at him and that she plans to tell him 'let's just go to bed. Our bed.'

"I think we need a break from each other," she says softly staring at her mostly full wine glass.

That is nowhere near what he was hoping she'd say. "You can't be serious."

"I already talked to Angela and Hodgins about it tonight and they said that Christine and I could stay there with them for a while."

"No! You're not taking my daughter away from me again."

"It's not like we're leaving town this time."

She still won't look at him.

"All this because I don't want to marry you? Are you insane?"

"Please, don't make this any harder than it needs to be."

"Bones, this…this is a little extreme, don't you think? I still love you. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you. I still want to raise our daughter in this house with you."

"The thing is, Booth I kind of hate you right now. And Angela thinks that if we spend some time apart, I'll cool off. And I think she's right. I can't be here with you pretending that everything is okay when it's not. I can't fight with you every single night, hoping that it will get us somewhere, when it will only tear us further apart. And I can't just leave Christine here. I don't want her to think that I've left her."

Booth sits down across from her again and buries his head in his hands. This isn't happening. This can't be real. This must just be a nightmare of some sort.

"Don't leave me," he tells her.

"I just…I need some time to think."

"About what? Us?"

"We don't want the same things anymore. And you keep saying that you love me and I know that you do, but…"

"But?"

"I can't help but feel like I'm not your first choice. And even if that's not true…" she looks down at the floor and shakes her head. "You were the one person I trusted to never hurt me and now you have. I just need some time, Booth. Some time away from you."

"But Bones, you are my first choice. You always have been –"

"I wouldn't say always," she says looking back over at him.

"I told you that I knew right from the beginning."

"That's impossible. There's no way you could have known that." She stands taking her wine glass back into the kitchen. She downs the rest of it rather quickly before placing the glass in the sink. "Christine and I will be at Hodgins's house tomorrow night. I'll let you take her to daycare in the morning."

"Okay now I'm the one who just doesn't understand."

"I need time to figure out if our relationship can survive this. At first I wanted to think that it could, that this wasn't a setback at all and nothing about us would change. But the more time I've had to think about it, the more I've started to question things. What kind of relationship survives a turned down marriage proposal anyway? I mean…for the first time in my life, I want more. I want more with you and you…you don't. So really, I just need some time alone to think. We can tradeoff nights with Christine because I don't want to take your daughter away from you, but tonight's the last night I'm here with you for a while."

"For a while? How long do you need to think?"

"As long as it takes." She heads toward the stairs, pausing at the bottom of them. "I'm going to shower and head to bed. Good night, Booth."

"Good night, Bones," he returns softly, heavy with the knowledge that it'll be the last time he utters those words _in a while_.

He's not sure how the lives of his Jeffersonian team have become Pelant's personal jungle gym nor is he sure how to make it stop other than killing the source. He hates it when he has to take a life, but in this case he doesn't think he'll care that much. After everything that bastard has done to screw with their lives, Booth has no problem with the idea of putting Pelant in the ground.

* * *

The house feels so empty without them and he doesn't like it. He wants his family back and he's determined to do everything it takes to get them. So determined that the living room is scattered with papers and files all regarding Pelant. He has a yarn and clothespin timeline strung across the fireplace and the coffee table is so covered with paperwork you can't even see it anymore. He's trying to get inside Pelant's head just like he's gotten into his. But he's not as smart as Pelant is. Brennan is. She should be the one doing this, but she has no reason too without knowing the truth.

Booth sighs and scrolls through the Priceline prices for plane tickets to Africa. He's getting so desperate he's actually considering flying her there just to tell her what's going on.

The phone rings and he jumps because he's so on edge. He moves to answer it wondering if it's Brennan.

"Hello?"

"Agent Booth, what interest have you in Africa?"

He practically growls into the phone. "You tapped my computer you fucking psycho?"

"But of course," Pelant says calmly. "Can't have you opening a word document and typing out to your beloved Dr. Brennan the truth now can I? How is that working out by the way?"

"Go to hell."

"My, my what a temper! Speaking of going places, you really don't plan on taking her to Africa with you to explain things do you? No, I'm sorry that's ridiculous, even for you. Especially because you really don't want me to hack into an airplane that you and other innocent people are on and crash it, do you? I mean, I've never hacked into one before, but I can't imagine it's that difficult."

"What do you want?" Booth grits out. "Money? Immunity?"

"I've already told you what I wanted, Agent Booth. To watch you suffer."

"Why is it your personal mission to fuck with us? To ruin our lives?"

"If you recall, you shot off half of my face. And you interfered with my latest target. And your people want to send me to jail."

"If I offer you immunity, you won't get sent to jail. You leave us alone, we'll leave you alone."

"I hardly believe your DA would sign off on that. And besides, this is about revenge now."

Booth grunts, his hands balling into fists. "And exactly how long is this little revenge plot of yours going to take?"

"That's a good question. How long do you think it will take before you're completely single again?"

"I hate to break it to you, but I don't swing both ways."

Pelant laughs into the phone, irritating Booth even more.

"I have no intention of lusting after either one of you. I just want to watch you suffer."

The line cuts out after that, the dial tone buzzing in Booth's ear. He tosses his phone across the room in frustration. He wonders if the trace he set up on his phone worked. He doubts it did knowing Pelant, but the first thing he'll do once he goes into work tomorrow will be to see if any location was traced. And then maybe, just maybe, he'll finally have his chance to put a bullet in the bastard's brain.


	4. Freight Train

_Greif is freight train oh what's a little pain_

_When you've got so much to love_

_Close your eyes_

_Take to the wind like a big blue kite leave your woes behind_

_Close my eyes_

_Try to remember what you said to me_

_Before you said goodbye_

* * *

She's been away from him for almost two weeks. Work conversations have become strictly about work and Christine. It doesn't even feel like they're a couple anymore, just two coworkers who happen to share a child. She doesn't like it. She misses him.

But there's still something lingering there that's keeping her from coming home to him. And it has nothing to do with Hannah, or the proposal, or any of that. It's something else. Something that she can't quite put her finger on but she knows it's there, holding her back.

She's spending today with him though because it's his birthday. And while he does have both Parker and Christine with him to keep him company, she couldn't help but feel guilty about leaving him alone today. So when he suggested they all go for a picnic at the park, she'd agreed. And yet so far, Booth and Parker were doing most of the talking. It's like she isn't even there.

Currently she's sitting on the blanket by herself, watching as the Booths help Christine up stairs and down slides on the playground. It makes her think back to the early years when she had first learned that he was a father. She'd always loved seeing him with his son. She was sure there was some anthropological reason behind it, like knowing that he was good with kids was supposed to make him more attractive to her. And she assumed that it did, but still she liked to think that watching him like this was the main reason she changed her mind about wanting kids in the first place.

She watches as Parker leads Christine over to the swings and Booth wanders back over to her on the blanket. He sits down next to her silently, his hand bumping into hers as he leans back. Instinctively, she trails her fingers over his, not even realizing she's doing it until he takes her hand in his. Startled, she looks over at him. He's looking back at her, his eyes sad and tired.

"I miss you," he says softly.

"I miss you too," she replies, meaning it.

"So then come home. It can be my birthday present."

"I want to…" She's hesitant, afraid of jumping back into things too fast. She'd love to come home, but they haven't fixed anything yet.

"So then do it. We don't need to be married to be happy."

She shrugs, glancing back over at the kids. Parker is pushing Christine on one of the baby swings and she's squealing in delight.

"Hey, do you remember that night after we closed that really tough kid's case and the only thing you wanted to do was get out of the city?"

Brennan eyes him for a moment, confused as to where he's going with this. But she gives in and smiles at the memory. "You told me to get into your car and you proceeded to drive the four hours to New York City."

"Yeah and the whole way there we just talked about our childhoods and how completely messed up they were. It was the first time I ever got you to really open up to me."

"Likewise," she tells him, squeezing his hand.

"And then we get to the city and had no idea what to do –"

"So we go to the first show someone tries to get us to go to and it was absolutely terrible –"

"The Journey of Life."

Brennan laughs, shaking her head. "That was such a bizarre night."

Booth starts laughing as well. "We used to do some crazy shit together."

She sighs as her laughter dies down. "What happened to us?"

"Things were never quite the same after I got shot."

She nods, scooting closer to him on the blanket. "That's when I first realized I had feelings for you."

"Took you long enough to act on them."

"I was mad at you."

"Like you are now?"

Even as he says it, she can feel the anger draining from her. She really does miss him, this whole engagement situation be damned. And thinking back on how far they've come, on what they've been through together, she's having trouble hating him. Brennan lets her head fall onto his shoulder. "Something like that."

"I mean don't get me wrong, we've had some pretty crazy nights since I got shot, but we've never done anything like drive to New York again."

"Well we are parents now. It's pretty hard to pick up and leave when you have a two-year-old to worry about."

Booth pulls her into him and she almost sighs with relief at the feel of his embrace.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into her hair.

"For what?"

"For pushing you to start something with me when you weren't ready. For bringing Hannah into this. For getting you pregnant before we were ready for any of this."

"Booth –"

"No. If I had just waited that year that we were apart, I would've come home to you at the coffee cart ready to start a relationship. And we would have had a normal beginning with awkward first dates and…"

"When has anything about us ever been normal?"

He smiles, but continues without acknowledging her comment. "And we wouldn't have been in such a rush our first time that we forgot to use a condom."

"We wouldn't have Christine."

"No, we could still have conceived her the night Vincent died. It just wouldn't have been our first time together."

"Booth –"

"I'm just saying that maybe we wouldn't be in this mess of a fight if things had happened that way."

"You think that any of that would actually change our minds about marriage?"

He shrugs. "Maybe it would have. Maybe we'd be married right now."

"We could be. All of you have to do is say yes."

* * *

Oh god. He's let it show that he still wants this. That he wants nothing more than to call Temperance Brennan his wife. He needs to get out of this. But here she is cuddled up against him just wanting to be his forever. He fears that if he turns her down now, he'll never get her back. He has to tell her the truth or at least tell her yes. But Pelant probably had one of his newfound apprentices trail them. He tells her and someone here at this park is going to die. Maybe the bastard will even take out one of his own kids.

Just the thought makes his eyes begin to water. Oh no, he is _not _crying in front of her, not now. But it's too late, she's already noticed. His silence made her turn her gaze up to him.

"What's wrong?" she asks, her hands coming up to cup his face.

"It's nothing," he grits out, eyeing the couple teaching their little boy how to ride his bike on the sidewalk across from them.

But the expression on her face tells him that she doesn't buy it. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't want to marry me."

He looks her in the eyes but he can't get the words to come. She's smart, maybe she'll just figure it out.

"Then why –" she starts, but stops midsentence and freezes, her eyes focused on the group of trees behind them.

"What is it, Bones?" he asks, feeling like he's talking to a dog.

She looks back at him and he can practically see her connecting the dots. "Someone's been following us haven't they?"

He continues to just stare at her, fearing that him saying anything will result in a bike injury to that little boy that is much more severe than a scraped up knee. Brennan looks around again checking on Parker and Christine who have now found their way to the merry-go-round. She bites her bottom lip and looks back to him.

"What does he want?"

"What does who want?" Booth asks, trying his hardest to sound confused.

She raises her eyebrows at him. "You know who."

"Voldemort?"

"What? Is that supposed to be a person?"

"You really need to read more."

"I read plenty thank you very much. But no I'm not referring to whoever this Voldemort person is. If it even is a person."

"He's the Dark Lord."

"So he's from the Bible?"

"No, Harry Potter."

Brennan scrubs a hand over her face letting out a frustrated sigh. "I'm talking about our favorite serial killer we love to hate. Has he been sending people around to follow us? Because I don't know anyone else obsessed with us enough to trail us and for the past two weeks…"

"I haven't noticed anything."

It's the truth. He hasn't noticed anyone following him. Of course, Pelant only seems to care about if Brennan receives the message about the truth or not.

"Well I have and I swear I just saw something over in those trees," she starts and he can tell that she's reading his face. "Booth, you know something. You know something and you're not telling me."

"I can't," he whispers.

"Can't or won't?" she asks way too defensively.

"_Can't_. Damnit, Bones can't you see what's going on here?"

A gun is fired about a mile away into the trees, sending a flock of birds into flight_._ He needs to shut up. He's going to get somebody killed.

Brennan is on her feet now staring out at the trees. "What was that?"

Booth shrugs, remaining seated and silent.

"You aren't the least bit concerned that someone just fired a gun at this family park?" she asks incredulously.

"It's probably just some idiot trying to kill a bird."

She huffs. "I'm going to go check it out."

Booth's phone beeps, signaling that he has a text message. He checks; it's from an unknown number. _Stop her_.

"Bones, wait!" he calls, standing up and jogging around in front of her.

She stops, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You clearly know what's going on. So explain."

"I already told you that I can't."

"Why?"

He shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot. Why does she always have to be so damn stubborn?

"Are you being blackmailed or something?" she asks with a laugh.

Booth looks her directly in the eyes and stares at her unblinking, praying that she'll get the point. Realization dawns on her face and she tries to look around Booth at the trees.

"He's here?" she mouths.

"Or an apprentice," he mouths back.

This is good. She knows Pelant is somehow behind this. And he's pretty sure that Pelant doesn't know that she knows. Now how to get her to understand that the turned down marriage proposal wasn't his idea…

She nods and heads back to the blanket, slowly beginning to pick up their things. "We need to go somewhere where we can talk."

"It's no use. He'll follow us everywhere. Believe me."

His phone beeps with another message. _You're getting awfully close to losing an innocent life. Keep this up and I'll take her life instead_.

Booth nearly drops his phone. He has to get her off this train of thought, get her to focus on something else. Her life now depends on it. "Bones, please. Just move back home."

Her eyes narrow in on him. "You're changing the subject."

"I'm trying to protect you," he mouths.

She seems to back off, settling back onto the blanket and watching the kids play. He sighs with relief and settles back down next to her. But she catches him off guard and steals his cell phone from his pocket.

"Bones, I'm serious!" he growls, trying to take it away from her.

He realizes she's already read Pelant's most recent message by the way her breathing becomes uneven.

"Is this referring to my life or Christine's?" she asks, holding the message up for him to see.

"Yours," he says softly.


	5. If I Lose Myself

_I stared up at the sun,  
Thought of all of the people, places and things I've loved.  
I stared up just to see  
With all of the faces, you were the one next to me.  
You can feel the light start to tremble,  
Washing what you know out to sea.  
You can see your life out of the window tonight.  
If I lose myself tonight,  
It'll be by your side._

* * *

He's not looking at her. He's looking in the trees for the person with the gun. He's looking for signs of a sniper rifle. He knows that whoever's out there saw her read that message. She may not know everything, but she knows enough now to get her killed.

"We need to get out of here," he mutters, snatching up the blanket and shoving it in the basket. "Parker, buddy, we're leaving!"

He can hear is heart beating, pumping his blood with adrenaline, as he watches Parker scoop up Christine and jog over to them. Something's going to happen. Someone's going to get shot. What if there's more than one shooter? He can't protect all four of them.

Booth feels like he can't breathe as his kids get closer. Brennan knows too much. Someone's going to have pay. _He _has to pay.

Her hand is on his shoulder. She's staring at him with those deep blue eyes full of concern. He can't lose her. He can't lose any of them.

"Baby, I need you to breathe," she whispers into his ear.

She never uses pet names. Why is she using pet names?

Booth takes a deep breath and allows the air to fill his lungs. He really hadn't been breathing. Brennan has the picnic basket hiked up on her left arm and her right arm is draped around Booth's torso. She ushers the kids in front of them as they walk back to their car. He still isn't breathing normally, is still in fear for their lives.

They get into the car in one piece, but he now fears Pelant has plans to kill them all in some car accident. He doesn't even question Brennan sliding into the driver's seat.

"Tell me what's going on," she demands, peeling out of the parking lot.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I can't?"

"We're alone now."

"He probably has the car tapped."

"You're being paranoid."

"Dad, what's going on?" Parker asks from the backseat.

"It's nothing, bud," Booth tells him.

"He's threatening to kill me. That's not nothing!" Brennan snaps.

"Dad!"

"I _can't_."

He doesn't know how else to get the message across to her. She doesn't realize that Pelant has eyes and ears everywhere.

"Okay fine. Pelant, if you can hear me, go ahead and shoot at our car."

"Bones!" Booth exclaims, turning to check on the kids.

He holds his breath again, but nothing happens. Brennan drives through an intersection with ease, no hail of bullets raining down on them.

"Now talk," she tells him, making a left turn when she should have gone right, no doubt attempting to extend their talking time.

He sighs, glancing back at his kids again. "Pelant, for whatever twisted reason, told me to turn down your marriage proposal and if I didn't, or told you what was going on, he was going to kill a bunch of innocent people. But today he upped the ante. He told me I had to get you off his trail or else he'd just kill you."

He gets it out in a rush, hoping that Parker wasn't able to follow all of that. But he's not a little kid anymore, so Booth knows, unfortunately, that he did.

Brennan stays stopped at the stop sign for too long so that the car behind them starts honking impatiently. She starts to drive again and Booth notices a slight tremor to her hands.

"So you do want to marry me?" she asks.

"Yes."

One of her hands comes off of the steering wheel to cover her mouth.

"Why is this Pelant guy trying to kill everyone?" Parker asks.

"He's a serial killer. He takes pleasure in watching other people suffer," Booth answers him.

"Why is he after you guys?"

"Part of the job, I'm afraid. We've been trying to put him away for over two years now and he's been doing everything in his power to make sure that doesn't happen."

"What are we going to do?" Brennan asks, getting herself together. "How do we get Pelant to back off?"

"No clue," Booth sighs. "I've tried offering him money, immunity, but the only thing he says he wants is revenge."

"Doesn't immunity mean you can't get sick?" Parker wants to know.

"In this case it means you can't go to jail for your crimes."

"I don't think we're ever going to be able to lock him up," Brennan says. "I think the only way all of this will ever be over is if he's dead."

"Bones –"

"He'll make friends on the inside, keep torturing us that way. If he's dead, it all ends."

Booth shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He doesn't need Parker to hear them discussing her perfect murder plan. He's just thankful that Christine isn't old enough to comprehend what's going on.

"Listen, Bones, can we just talk about this later?"

"No, we can't. This may be our only chance. The car may not be tapped right now, but I can assure you that after today it will be."

"Dad, if you're worried about me, I can handle it."

"Parker –"

"I'm in middle school now, okay? I'm not a little kid anymore."

"He says he can handle it," Brennan says, glancing over at Booth before making another turn out of their way.

"Fine. Explain your perfect murder plan to me."

"An air anabolism. It won't leave any traces on the bones. So all we have to do is make sure the body isn't found at least until it's decomposed down to bone."

"What are we going to do, bury him in our backyard?"

"No, no we can't do that. Personally, I'd recommend disposing of him in the middle of an ocean. We'd have to tie cement blocks or something to his limbs though to prevent him from floating to the surface during the bloat stage of decomposition."

"_Or_ I could just shoot him and claim self defense."

"What if forensics proves that it wasn't?"

"Every single one of us wants this guy, right up to Caroline and my bosses. They're not going to question it."

"The defense will. Then what?"

Booth groans scrubbing a hand over his face. "I don't know."

"Exactly. When planning a perfect murder you have to think every little detail through."

"You really are your father's daughter, aren't you?"

"What if you shot him and then caused this air anabolism thingy?" Parker asks.

"True, the shot would have to be taken first at an area that wouldn't cause him to die immediately so it wouldn't be ruled post-mortem during the autopsy. I wonder if they could somehow argue that the air anabolism was caused by the shot or if they would rule it as natural death due to preexisting conditions… I need to see his medical records."

"There's no way that we're going to be able to get a hold of those. He somehow erased his identity, remember?"

"Then I need to talk to Cam. See how she would rule cause of death in this situation."

"Oh no, we're not bringing her into this."

"Why not? She's the only member of the immediate team he's yet to target."

"Bones, we can't get the whole team involved in this. They could get charged with conspiracy."

"Fine, I'll ask her as a hypothetical then."

"You can't put her in that position. When she goes to autopsy the body and notices the air anabolism and the gunshot wound, she's going to know."

"She won't autopsy the body. His remains won't be bones, therefore, not our case."

"He's the main suspect in what 4, 5 of our murders now? We have jurisdiction here."

"Suspect, not victim."

"He'll be our victim once we kill him!"

"Is this really what you guys do at work all day?" Parker asks.

Booth turns around and glares at him and he immediately starts playing with his sister.

"Look, they're sure as hell not going to let my team run the investigation when you're the one who shot him."

"You're team was running the investigation on your father. And that one time when Hodgins was a suspect."

"So, we just make sure that another office does the autopsy."

"Are we sure other offices are good enough to catch the air anabolism?"

Brennan quiets, turning a corner that somehow has them near the Capitol Building. She pulls over to the side of the road and Booth notices that the car behind them does the same.

"Have they been following us the whole time?" he asks.

"Ever since we left the park. I figured the Capitol would have enough people around it for this to be safe," she explains.

"I can't believe I didn't notice them before."

"You were too busy looking for snipers."

"What do you plan to do now, exactly?"

"Get out. Confront whoever that is."

"I don't –"

"What other choice do we have?" She turns to the backseat. "Parker, no matter what happens stay in the car with Christine."

"But what's going to happen –"

"Promise me."

Parker looks over at Christine who stares back at him with her wide blue eyes. "Okay, I promise."

She leans over and kisses Christine on the forehead before getting out of the car. Booth does the same, ruffling Parker's hair in the process. He can't believe they're doing this, especially with his kids watching. But then again Brennan does have her own personal vendetta against Pelant for framing her for murder, so maybe he can believe this is happening.

She steps around to the back of their car and waits with her arms crossed over her chest. Booth moves to stand next to her. A scrawny man exits the driver's seat and moves to stand in front of them.

"Did Pelant hire you to tail us?" Brennan asks getting right too it.

He stares at her blankly, his right hand behind his back probably holding a gun.

"Does he have our car tapped?" she tries.

The man just continues to stare at her.

"He's in that car, isn't he?"

She makes a move toward the SUV only to find the barrel of a gun pressed to her temple. Booth curses himself for not having his gun on him today. How is he supposed to fight off a guy with a gun now? One of the back doors of the SUV opens and Pelant steps out.

"I warned you, didn't I?" he smirks at Booth. He steps closer to Brennan and twirls a strand of her hair around his index finger. "And now someone has to die and that person will not be me."

"Let her go," Booth growls.

"I'm afraid I can't do that. We had a deal. You broke it." Pelant takes the strand of her hair in his fingers and brings it up to his nose. "Hmmm lavender with just a hint of vanilla."

Brennan looks like she's ready to pounce on him. She probably would have if she didn't have a gun to her head.

"This is between you and me," Booth tries again.

"Oh my dear Agent Booth. This was between me and her long before there was ever anything between us. She's the one who _almost_ matches me in intelligence."

Brennan spits in his face causing his apprentice to smack her in the head with the barrel of the gun. A cut forms above her right eye, blood slowly trickling down the side of her face. She barely flinches. Booth forgot how much of a badass she could be when she needed to.

Pelant wipes at his face. "Now that was just childish, Dr. Brennan. Maybe my IQ is even higher than yours than I thought."

"You wish," she scoffs.

"I'm serious, Pelant. Back the hell off," Booth threatens.

"Or what, you'll kill me and claim self defense? Do you even have your gun with you today?"

Booth stares up at the Capitol. Has no one noticed them? Where the hell is security? He looks back to Brennan. Her jaw is clenched and her hands have curled into fists. She looks pissed off and ready to fight.

"So where'd you find this guy? Another genius kid with a dead father sending messages from beyond the grave?" Booth asks.

"Watch it!" the apprentice speaks for the first time and Booth can tell he struck a nerve. If he can distract him enough, Brennan will have the chance to get the upper hand on him.

"So what was it? Fire? Car accident? Military? You know I bet it was suicide," Booth taunts.

The boy's hand with the gun shifts away from Brennan's head and she uses the opportunity to kick him in the balls. He doubles over in pain and she puts his arms in a hold until she's able to get the gun away from him. She hands the gun off to Booth who immediately aims it at Pelant.

"I guess you need to find a partner who's more of a badass," Booth suggests. "Like mine is."

Brennan smirks and moves to stand beside Booth. Pelant grumbles something to his apprentice and the two slowly slink back into their car and speed away.

"You had him," she says. "Why didn't you take the shot?"

"We're outside of the Capitol Building. That's added attention I don't need." He stuffs the gun in the back of his jeans. "How's your head?"

"It hurts."

Booth moves back to their car and opens the trunk to pull a towel out. He hands it to Brennan and she holds it to her head.

"What happened?" Parker asks.

"He got away," Booth explains. "For now."

"Bones, are you okay?"

"I'll be fine, Parker. It's just a scratch." She turns to Booth. "We really need to get someone else involved in this."

"Oh I can pretty much guarantee you that he's going off to kill someone now as promised. We'll catch the case and then maybe, finally, we can catch him."


	6. Figure 8

_Place a kiss on my cheekbone,  
When you vanish me, I'm buried in the snow,  
But something tells me I'm not alone,  
But lovers hold on to everything,  
And lovers hold on to anything  
I chase your love around a figure 8,  
I need you more than I can take,  
You promise forever and a day_

* * *

Just stepping through the threshold of their home lifts a weight off of her shoulders. He had never wanted to reject her marriage proposal, he was merely doing what Booth does: protecting people. And now here she is feeling bad about all of the hateful things she's not only said to him, but thought about him. She wants to take them back.

Booth follows her into the house with their sleeping baby in his arms. Parker trails behind him still wielding the picnic basket. They get both of the kids settled in for the night before heading to the solace of their bedroom. Brennan instantly collapses into his arms, burying her head in the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry," she whispers against his skin.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," he tells her, tightening his arms around her torso.

"I should have –"

"No. You had every right."

"No, I didn't. I should have stayed and tried to work things out with you instead of picking up and leaving when things got bad. I guess I inherited that from my family. It's just…I'm not good with relationships. I felt like I needed space and I didn't know what else to do."

Booth skims his hands up her back until he's cupping the base of her head. He bends to kiss her.

"We both said and did things we're not proud of. But you know, I think we needed that fight. I'm honestly surprised that you haven't blown up at me about the whole Hannah thing sooner," he tells her bringing his arms back down to her waist.

"There are still probably some things we should talk about before we get married. I don't want to go into this with unresolved issues."

"We have time. We'll make sure all is well before we get there."

She wants them to be said now. She wants everything out of the way so she can finally sleep at night. But she's tired of fighting with him. It's been a long day, a long month, and all she wants to do is get lost in him. She hums, pulling back out of his embrace and lacing their fingers together. "I need a shower. Care to join me?"

He nods vigorously and allows her to pull him into their bathroom. She begins undressing and he follows suit until their clothes are all piled up near the sink. It's only been a little over two weeks since they've been intimate together, but they had gotten into this weekly rhythm with sex so just seeing him naked in front of her already has her wet.

She recalls what he said earlier about how his getting shot changed everything, so she finds herself stepping towards him and tracing the outline of his scar. Booth lifts his hand to do the same to hers. Blood bullet or not, it still left a permanent reminder on her skin. He then kisses the newly formed scar above her right eye and she knows that he feels responsible for it.

Wordlessly, she steps away to turn on the shower and tugs him under the hot spray with her. She looks up at him through her eyelashes, which weigh heavy with the weight of water droplets. His hands come up to cup her face.

"Temperance Brennan, there is nothing I want more than to be able to spend the rest of my life with you as your husband," he tells her between breaths as he peppers kisses along her jaw line.

"Glad to hear it," she mummers, pulling his mouth to hers.

She nips at his lower lip before opening her mouth to him. He kisses her back hard, guiding her back towards the shower wall. His hand slips down between her legs and teases her until he has her bucking up into his palm. He grins and guides himself into her, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist. He laces his fingers between hers over her head against the shower wall as he finds a rhythm inside of her.

Brennan moans, tilting her head to the side as he starts kissing her neck. She can feel her orgasm building as he releases her hands from above her head to palm her ass. She wraps her now free arms around his neck and bites at his ear until she comes for him.

She untangles herself from him only to have him spin her around so her back is pressing into his chest. She can feel how hard he is still against her ass. He slips into her again, pinning her between his body and the shower wall. Her hands grapple at the slippery tiles trying to gain purchase on something while Booth starts rubbing her clit as he thrusts into her. When that doesn't work, she laces her arms together behind his head. He grunts as the move pushes him in her deeper.

Her hips are rotating with his and she digs her nails into the skin on her own arms to keep herself from crying out. His other hand is now massaging her breasts and the sensations of it all cause her to break again. She moans as her second orgasm ripples through her body taking Booth over the edge with her.

They break apart breathless. The hot water is now more of a lukewarm, so Booth grabs for the shampoo bottle as Brennan wipes off the cum that's dripping down her thigh. He hands the shampoo over to her and she can't help but grin at how domestic her life feels again. And thinking about how the rest of her life is going to be like this makes her grin even harder.

"What is it?" Booth asks, rinsing the shampoo out of his hair.

"It's nothing really. Just thinking about how glad I am to be home."

* * *

"You're going to blame yourself for his next victim aren't you?"

Booth rolls onto his side next to her in bed. "It's my fault. All I had to do was keep lying to you."

She reaches for his hand, let's her thumb trace shapes into his palm.

"And it's my fault you have this nasty scar," he says bringing their joined hands up to her eyebrow.

"No, he was right today, Booth. He started things with me a long time ago when he tried to pin that murder on me. You and I, we're in this together."

He brings their hands back to the center of the bed, tapping his fingers across her knuckles.

"Should I tell Hacker what's been going on?" he asks.

"Probably. Caroline too. We need clean hands if we still want to act out our little plan."

His index finger rubs across her left ring finger. "We'll go get you a ring tomorrow."

"Booth –"

"You're my fiancé. I want everyone to know it."

She smiles and scoots closer to him, her head falling onto his chest. She sighs contentedly and he kisses the top of her head.

"You were quite the badass today," he tells her.

"Hmm thank you," she hums already drowsy with sleep.

"Sometimes I forget that you're the same person who used to flip people over her shoulder and break people's hands for simply touching you."

"I didn't break his whole hand it was only his wrist."

"Whatever happened to her?"

"You mean the girl who preferred beer over wine," Brennan starts recalling his comments from a few weeks ago, "and who attacked people for touching her because she didn't know how to let people in? You really want her back?"

"You had the intention to let Epps into your life?"

She groans. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Okay, okay but seriously, what changed?"

"I don't know." She knows it's a lie the moment she says it. Because she had realized at the beginning of all of this fighting that _he_ had been the one to change her and make her soft. And there's a part of her that misses her old self, her "badass" self, but at the same time she likes who she's become. "She's still here."

He kisses her. "You don't need to change who you are for me you know."

How does he do that? "I know." She kisses him again. "Goodnight Booth."

* * *

The ring feels heavy on her hand when she walks into work on Monday morning. She wonders if it's because she's not used to wearing rings other than her mother's dolphin ring, especially on this finger, or if it's because of what the ring represents. Yes, she wanted this. She screamed and yelled and fought to get him to see her, even though he had seen her all along and was just being held back by Pelant's blackmail. She had been so deeply hurt when he'd turned her down with the knowledge that he'd proposed to two other women before, but would not agree to marry her.

And yet, the diamond ring on her finger was freaking her out. Things were getting real now. She had officially agreed to do the one thing she had always told herself she'd never do. But of course after what she'd been through in foster care, she had always told herself she'd never have kids too and that had already changed.

But she can't help but keep thinking about their conversation on Saturday night about how she's changed. She keeps telling herself that it's not a bad thing. The very definition of science involves change. So why does this ring that she wanted so badly, suddenly feel like it's suffocating her?

Angela's on her the moment she walks into her office. "You didn't come home all weekend. Where the hell have you been?"

Brennan groans as she realizes she forgot to tell her she'd be at her own house all weekend. "Sorry, I had a lot going on. Forgot to call you."

"But you're okay? You didn't get like kidnapped or something?"

"No, nothing like that. I was at home with Booth."

When Brennan turns to her, she notices Angela's eyes go wide. She assumes that she's noticed the engagement ring.

"Sweetie, did he hit you?"

Confusion etches her face until she realizes that Angela has noticed the scar above her eyebrow. Her hand moves to touch it. It still stings.

"Oh no, this wasn't him. I know we've been fighting a lot, but you honestly think that Booth would hit me?"

Angela shrugs, crossing her arms, still waiting for an explanation. Brennan's not sure if she wants to get into this yet. Booth had wanted to tell the team together.

"I'm just a klutz," she lies instead. "Hit my head on the kitchen cabinet."

Angela eyes her like she doesn't quite believe her story. "So are you moving back home with him?"

She nods. "I'll come get my stuff from your place after work."

"So which one of you changed your mind?"

She starts twisting her engagement ring with her thumb. She doesn't want to get into this right now. She's not ready for another round of twenty questions or the return of Angela's giddy excitement about helping her plan the wedding. Brennan figures that if she hasn't mentioned the ring by now, she hasn't noticed it, so she quickly shoves her left hand into the pocket of her lab coat.

"We're still working on it," she lies again.

She hates lying to her, but doesn't know what else to do. Telling her the truth about the engagement would also involve the truth about her scar and what really happened this weekend.

"Well moving back in together is a start! He'll come around, Bren, he was to."

_He already has._

Brennan nods, pretending to busy herself with paperwork.

"I'll leave you to it then," Angela tells her, turning to leave.

Brennan can hear in her voice that she's not completely satisfied with her answer. She sighs and pulls her engagement ring off and shoves it in a desk drawer. One less thing to worry about today. And besides, she'd hate for it to get messy with her work. At least that's what she tells herself as she leaves to go recover a new set of remains.

* * *

"Where's your ring?" Booth asks when she slides into the car, and his eyes go in search for the diamond.

"Didn't want to get it dirty," she mumbles.

"You'll be wearing gloves."

She shrugs. "Extra precaution."

He senses that something is off about her. "Is everything okay?"

"It's fine."

He says nothing in return because he can tell that it's not. So he waits for her to elaborate. They're nearly to the body site when she speaks up again.

"When are we going to tell people what's going on? I had to lie to Angela this morning."

"Well, we can –"

"It's just that I hate lying to her."

He studies her out of the corner of his eye as he pulls up to a stoplight.

"Bones, are you sure that everything's okay?"

He watches her thumb rub over the spot where her engagement ring would be. The light changes but he doesn't notice until the car behind them honks.

"I just have a lot on my mind," she answers softly.

"Is this about Pelant?"

"It's about a lot of things."

Booth pulls up to the site of the body drop without getting anything else out of her. It worries him, her not talking to him again. He can't help but wonder what he's done wrong now. They made up. They're engaged. Pelant hasn't killed anyone new yet. So what has her pushing him away?

He watches her kneel next to the body. She stares at the skull and then shifts her gaze to the pelvis.

"Female. Asian descent. Early 30s." She sighs picking up the left arm. "Think this is a message to us?"

He stares at the diamond ring glinting in the sun on the hand of the victim. The man works fast.

"How long has she been dead?"

"Not my area. Ask Hodgins."

At the mention of his name, Hodgins looks over from his pile of maggots. "What's up?"

"Time of death?" Booth asks.

Hodgins frowns. "I uh, I'm not sure. The evidence is conflicting. The decomposition suggests a completely different answer than the blowflies."

"What are the bugs telling you?"

He grumbles something about not liking the term bugs. "Less than 24 hours."

"So what, is he skinning people now to make sure we catch his case?" Brennan asks, incredulously.

"Does he even have medical knowledge?" Booth asks back.

"What's going on?" Hodgins wants to know.

Booth ignores him. "Maybe the ring is just a coincidence. Maybe this isn't him."

"I don't believe in coincidences. It's _him_."

"Who are we talking about?" Hodgins tries again.

Booth and Brennan exchange a glance. "Pelant."


End file.
